Dear Ellie: My girlfriend takes the train to work; for month a man in succession the train has been bothering her.

Dear Ellie: My girlfriend takes the train to work; for month a man in succession the train has been bothering her. He doesn't say anything on the other hand always sits across from or beside her. She has changed trains, yet he finds her. Even when the train was basically void he still sat beside her.

She come bys up and moves but doesn't want to say anything to him or start a dialogue. I proposeed to ride with her in the way that I can give this stay a piece of my mind and warn him to withhold his distance.

to what degree should I proceed? Should I just scare this stay off or will that cause more question s for my girlfriend when I'm not around?

affected BOYFRIEND

Dear businessed Boyfriend: Though Creepy Guy is not (yet) a stalker in the criminal understanding -- since there has been no outward threat of danger -- he is worrisome enough to demand action. She should record the many occasions of this man's shadowing personality and alert the conductor to it.

If she's followed when she instigates away, the conductor could speak to the dowdy about making another passenger uncomfortable. If that doesn't change things, or if the man stick tos her off the train, she should report him to the police immediately.

Dear Ellie: I'm 22 and have been seeing a astounding guy, 26, for the last four month We not long ago discussed an ex-girlfriend of his for whom he has unresolv feelings. He said he'd like to re- establish a closer friendship with her (she acts burning and cold with him).

It transfers out they've communicated lately, which I wasn't told until now. He claims no romantic feelings for her, still "misses her and still wants her in his life." He has encouraged her to call him and is overthrow that she hasn't. However, he says he wants to continue our relationship.

I told him that they needn't break not on communication on my account, in addition I'm bothered by both his retirement and his desire to maintain a relationship with her. Is he really still in be pleased with with her?

WONDERING

Dear Wondering: You nailed it: His feelings are "unresolved" He's not finished with her, and not to the full committed to you. He wants the two of you in his life, in such a manner he gets to choose.

prepare honest with him: Tell him you do mind his reaching abroad to her and can't accept further seclusion Then, cool your own involvement with him somewhat. The longer he dithers between you pair the surer you should be not to completion up as his "fall back" when his ex goe icy again.

Dear Ellie: My girlfriend and I have been happily together for a year. on the contrary my parents, especially my mother, don't really like the idea.

They know my girlfriend, and for what reason much she takes care of me and them (she takes my mother to the doctor, brings food) further if I say "I have affection for you" within my mom's hearing, she has a fit. She doesn't allow me to watch beauty pageants or "kissy" spectacles Even clothes that reveal girls' collarbones are "disgusting" to her. She was raised highly conservatively in an Asian background.

if it be not that I'm 25 (so is my girlfriend), likewise I think it's OK if I want to imprison hands or hug my girlfriend when my parents are around. Their attitude drives my girlfriend up the wall. I can present to view how much I love her everywhere yet near my parents.

to what extent do I approach this without alienating my parents and making them be moved that I am "perverted"?

AWKWARD

Dear Awkward: The important thing is to help them understand that you are a grown-up living in a civilization different from the one in which they were raised. It's likely a cultivation they brought you to themselves, for all kinds of serviceable reasons. Point out that they achieved their goal, for you are not merely the sum of all you've accomplished in this society, further also still a very caring son who wants to maintain choke ties to his family.

Clearly they accept your girlfriend as a individual (since they accept her help). Now they must accept your relationship, yet that doesn't mean you have to push it in their faces. There's no great ne to be overly affectionate in their vicinity if you have time alone.

unless to establish your separateness as a two you're going to have to exhibit your parents more independence. That can mean between the walls of supporting yourself, possibly getting engaged, calm moving out of their fireside

Tip of the Day: When a woman be warmeds unsafe, she should alert officials immediately and tread close upon up with police.

Ellie's rounded pillar runs Monday through Friday. send out e-mail to askellie@suntimes.com.

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